So the Apple Watch, for better or worse, has hit the market. Whether it’s a good investment or

not is up to you, but it’s the latest in a string of smart watches to hit the market. From exercise

tools to Samsung’s ill-fated phone watch, we’re really wanting to go Dick Tracy status as a



From providing you with the ability to track your heart rate to allowing you to have detailed

political discussions with your wrist, smart watches are doing it all. But they’re not the only

kinds of smart gadgets hitting the market. From your glasses and beyond, you can wear your tech

and live as the smarmy, obnoxious Silicon Valley wannabe that you’ve always dreamed of. But

what tech should you be adding to your wardrobe? Let’s take a look.


Google Glass


So the Google Glass may be dead for the most part. But when a new iteration hits the market, it’s

your chance to don the doucheist shades known to your fledgling tech start-up.


You’ll have the camera- the better for recording long-winded YouTube videos about your day to

day life in the big city. Not only that, but if you’ve ever wanted to video conference while riding

the subway, you have your chance. Just don’t mind the odd looks from passersby or the bruises

you’ll probably acquire from ramming into objects or the same passerby.


Sure, the battery might not last long but it’s the price you pay for looking so impeccably with it.

And bonus. If you buy one of the older, discontinued Google Glass phones, you have the bonus

of looking either pleasantly retro or horribly out of touch.


Smart Watches

Woman Apple WatchSource

Oh sure, they’re fashionable (or can be). So fashionable that companies who haven’t so much as

produced a smart watch are getting in on the action.


A good number of these smart watches are designed for the dubious purpose of inspiring wearers

to exercise. And in fact, you can use such an apparatus to track how many calories you’ve

burned during a workout- going off how fast you swing your arms, we suppose.


And if you install the right apps, you can be reminded and guilted every time you hit the bakery.

“Hey, I happened to notice you enjoyed that donut. How about hitting that gym, partner?”

You can also answer calls and browse Facebook, we suppose. All while running on the treadmill.


And if you’ve ever tried to talk to Siri in a background noise free room- well, now you’ve got the

opportunity to experience an exclusive sociological experiment- how to communicate when

there’s clearly no mutual understanding involved.


And with that gold Apple Watch that’s now going for ten thousand dollars? Combine your

insufferable obsession with technology with the ability to pretend you’ve got a fat wallet in your

back pocket and you’re golden. We can’t say we’ll feel sorry for you if you misplace the watch

though, which you inevitably will.


One company’s even putting out a watch that will record television shows if you happen to fall

asleep before finishing them. Convenient? Weird? Who cares? There’s Law and Order SVU

reruns to catch up on.