So the Apple Watch, for better or worse, has hit the market. Whether it’s a good investment or
not is up to you, but it’s the latest in a string of smart watches to hit the market. From exercise
tools to Samsung’s ill-fated phone watch, we’re really wanting to go Dick Tracy status as a
From providing you with the ability to track your heart rate to allowing you to have detailed
political discussions with your wrist, smart watches are doing it all. But they’re not the only
kinds of smart gadgets hitting the market. From your glasses and beyond, you can wear your tech
and live as the smarmy, obnoxious Silicon Valley wannabe that you’ve always dreamed of. But
what tech should you be adding to your wardrobe? Let’s take a look.
So the Google Glass may be dead for the most part. But when a new iteration hits the market, it’s
your chance to don the doucheist shades known to your fledgling tech start-up.
You’ll have the camera- the better for recording long-winded YouTube videos about your day to
day life in the big city. Not only that, but if you’ve ever wanted to video conference while riding
the subway, you have your chance. Just don’t mind the odd looks from passersby or the bruises
you’ll probably acquire from ramming into objects or the same passerby.
Sure, the battery might not last long but it’s the price you pay for looking so impeccably with it.
And bonus. If you buy one of the older, discontinued Google Glass phones, you have the bonus
of looking either pleasantly retro or horribly out of touch.
Oh sure, they’re fashionable (or can be). So fashionable that companies who haven’t so much as
produced a smart watch are getting in on the action.
A good number of these smart watches are designed for the dubious purpose of inspiring wearers
to exercise. And in fact, you can use such an apparatus to track how many calories you’ve
burned during a workout- going off how fast you swing your arms, we suppose.
And if you install the right apps, you can be reminded and guilted every time you hit the bakery.
“Hey, I happened to notice you enjoyed that donut. How about hitting that gym, partner?”
You can also answer calls and browse Facebook, we suppose. All while running on the treadmill.
And if you’ve ever tried to talk to Siri in a background noise free room- well, now you’ve got the
opportunity to experience an exclusive sociological experiment- how to communicate when
there’s clearly no mutual understanding involved.
And with that gold Apple Watch that’s now going for ten thousand dollars? Combine your
insufferable obsession with technology with the ability to pretend you’ve got a fat wallet in your
back pocket and you’re golden. We can’t say we’ll feel sorry for you if you misplace the watch
though, which you inevitably will.
One company’s even putting out a watch that will record television shows if you happen to fall
asleep before finishing them. Convenient? Weird? Who cares? There’s Law and Order SVU
reruns to catch up on.