Road Kill (Tallow)

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Your eye shadow, lipstick and soap may contain the fat that has been boiled off animal carcasses. We advise you to take a look at the ingredients in your favorite beauty products and if you see the word tallow thrown in somewhere then you have been applying road kill somewhere on your face. This may explain that bump on your lip. Maybe.

The fat that has been boiled off the dead animals used in your beauty products comes from a variety of courses. Would you like to know the sources? Of course you would, so here we go: lab animals, dead stock, euthanized zoo and shelter animals, expired meat from grocery stores and our favorite road kill. But you don’t care because that tallow keeps your lips so soft, it’s in your favorite eye shadows and soaps. Plus it’s not like the animals were killed strictly for the purpose of becoming an ingredient in makeup, the little critters were dead anyway. Now we know why the animal shelter is in such a hurry to euthanize animals. Plus that possum crossing the street that got crushed but your SUV wasn’t doing any of us any good alive anyway. It’s not like you can domesticate the overgrown rat. So dead animals do serve a purpose. Forgive us for trying to enlighten you. Carry on.